For those of us who live at the shoreline standing upon the constant edges of decision crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children’s mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:
For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.
And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent we are still afraid
So it is better to speak remembering
we were never meant to survive
– Audre Lorde, The Black Unicorn
Monthly Archives: November 2014
Soulive & Cadillacs
Today we present to you a conversation with Cozmo Holloway, the lead guitarist for Southern Rock band The Dirty Guv’nahs. No stranger to fashionable dressing and Cadillacs, let’s get started:
I hear that most mucisians eat at Waffle House… What do you order?
What do I order if I eat at waffle house? Pattymelt, double order of hash browns and a waffle.
If there was soundtrack you could have constantly playing in the background as you lived your life what would it be?
‘Doin’ Something.’ It’s Soulive. Man, I feel like…I feel like the rhythm and the vibe of that album just kind of …that’s how I feel when I walk around downtown. Yeah…I’ve thought of that question before. First time I’ve ever answered it or been asked.
My dad tells me that you have some sort of special relationship with Cadillacs? What’s up with that?
Well I do drive one. It’s my grandmothers Cadillac. And when she bought it they bought it brand new when I was young. And she promised it to me. So I got this car. And its about as long as a pick-up truck. And the seats are like sittin’ in your living room…but you’re moving. I’m not a fast driver. Never been a fast driver. And I think I needed a car that fit that personality. Because when people see that on the road they aren’t expecting me to be hauling ass.
Do you ever feel like you’re cheating on your guitar with your car?
No! That’s two separate relationships. There’s a wall between them.
So, give some advice to the women of America on how to treat a man right.
What?! (laughs) Uh….ehhh…hmm…welp I did not expect that question, first of all. I’d like to say something other than your cliche like “communication.” I guess…Have patience with us slow thinkers. Like me, I am a very slow processor of knowledge. So yeah, just be patient. You don’t have to move fast all the time.
Special thanks to Disc Exchange for letting us use their space!
-paris & chris
A Letter to Rejection
Rejection isn’t something we want to talk about, it’s embarrassing. We don’t like knowing that someone thought we weren’t capable enough.
I recently applied to a degree program. It was like a “DIY” degree program of sorts. I was so sure that this was the program that would solve all of my problems and answer all my questions about how to turn my interests into a job.
I slaved away on my application for months, talking with the director of the program, different professors and students trying to formulate a kickass curriculum for myself.
The day finally came for my interview. I walked in with confidence and spoke with confidence. I laid all my cards on the table, showing my portfolio and everything I have ever been involved in and why.
I thought I had done splendidly. And then two hours after the interview I was in class when I received and email saying that I was not accepted into the program. I walked at warp speed to the bathroom and sobbed in a stall, calling my mom repeatedly until she answered.
I had never experienced rejection like that. What was I going to do? I was so sure that plan A would work out I hadn’t even thought to formulate a plan B.
After having a sad day I woke up the next day furious. I wanted so badly to march up to the committee that interviewed me and say, “You missed out!” Alas, I didn’t. It was just a wonderful daydream that helped me deal with my feelings.
Just like most experiences (good or bad) I learned a few things.
First, feel what you’re feeling. Get mad and say a bunch of words your mama wouldn’t approve of.
Second, accept that some people won’t see your vision, as you know it is.
Third, know that you have a right to affirmation. For some reason we’ve got it stuck in our heads that looking for affirmation is “weak.” Well, I’m tellin’ you it ain’t. It’s called being a human.
And lastly, remind yourself to keep doing, keep making mistakes and keep getting rejected, its bound to be acceptance eventually.
-paris
Monks & Mannequins 